As I've written before, it's about that time . Do or die as they say. When you get to your late 20s and early 30s the pressure is on to, you know, that M word. I get a slight pang of nausea thinking about it actually. Ironically, it also seems to be a time of changes and, oftentimes, turmoil. Let me give some examples.
- Within the last 3 months, five of my friends have ended medium to long term relationships.
- Another friend who's been with her guy for 8 years is in a rather bad situation that she needs to escape.
- And about 3 years ago, another friend ended a relationship after 7 years.
- Two years back, yet another two friends were unexpectedly let go just as they were contemplating proposing.
- And last year, another friend moved out of her bf's place after 4 years.
- I also personally know of someone who announced that their wedding was off a couple weeks before the big day.
- And now a repeat of that (read the 8/17 post).
So what does this all mean? I dunno. That's tough to answer, but all I can say is there's a few questions you should never ask:
1. If you see a friend/acquaintance sans partner at social outings a few times in a row, don't take it upon yourself to ask where so-and-so is. Just don't, not even for the sake of small talk or conversation. The chances are they might've broken up, feel like the world is ending, and they're not ready to make a public announcement of it yet. Just enjoy their company, buy him/her a drink, and don't ask.
2. If you're at a wedding or, hell, any social function, don't ask couples who are dating when they're going to tie the knot. You can pretty much assume everyone in the world has already asked them that a million times, they're sick of coming up with witty answers, and if it's not yet a topic of conversation between them because it's just not time, the question just makes things uncomfortable. Trust me, when someone gets engaged, you'll fucking hear about it. Until then, just don't ask.
3. Finally, if you are asking a SINGLE friend when they're going to get married, you're either an asshole, a complete retard, or a Chinese granny... so just don't.
5 comments:
whew!
i'm with you on all of the above.
and in general..i know some couples don't always liked to be asked "where's so-and-so" everytime they go out without their other(even if they aren't broken up). it's sometimes nice just to be your own person and not known as a couple.
Totally with you. (Heck, I think I'm one of your examples above!)
The thing is, people usually ask these questions because of a lack of anything meaningful to say. I mean, the easiest no-brainer question to ask of a couple at the table is, "So, when you gonna get married?" When I was in a stable relationship at the age of 21, 22, people were asking that of ME. I was a frickin' KID, you want me to plan marriage when I'm barely out of school? Hell no.
And to ask that of singles, you might not be a Chinese granny; you could very well be one of my aunts.
I was chatting with my ex the other day, and we agreed that 2005 seems to be the Year of the Single.
all three of you guys were included in the count of tragedies above.
The other question I get asked all the time is, "Any prospects?" Similar intent though but I actually don't mind it that much. I can feel the pressure but also realize that the people who do ask geniunely care.
As for the whole M thing, the outcome of your relationship is completely independent of what goes on in other people's lives. Just because other people bomb doesn't mean that you will, provided that you don't do what everybody else does.
So when people ask me, "Aren't you scared that there are so many breakups and divorces in this world?" the no-brainer answer is, "No, not at all. Statistics are of zero concern to me where the outcomes are NOT based on random chance."
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