worst case scenarios

Just finished my Pedagogy class which dealt entirely with how to teach at the college/university level. I tended to dwell on how to deal with potential worst case scenarios in the classroom and it became an ongoing theme for the class. I have to say it was the most entertaining and probably most practical class I took in grad school. I thought I'd share a portion of the self evaluation (ie what I learned) I had to turn in at the last class. It's kind of a collection of all the worst case scenarios I asked about or our instructor shared with us. They are pretty bizarre and mostly based on real life situations.

Worst Case Scenarios Handbook for New University Professors:

1. Outsider attends your class several weeks in a row and becomes a huge distraction for the class. -> Notify department chair and have campus police remove him from the class (you never know, s/he might pull a knife!)

2. Student stalks you and/or threatens your safety -> Notify department chair and campus police; have the student removed from your section.

3. Student comes to class sweating profusely and then takes off his/her clothing until s/he is sitting in class topless -> Dismiss him/her from class; refer him/her to campus counseling

4. Student has a nervous breakdown in your office, climbs up onto your desk, and fails to respond to stimuli of any sort -> call 911

5. Student confides in you for personal/psychological problems -> Express empathy but explain that you aren’t qualified to provide the help s/he needs; refer him/her to counseling

6. Students stands up just before break, tells you to fuck off (or some variation of that) and leaves -> do not allow him/her back into the class; explain to the class that that is inappropriate; send the student to the department chair for disciplinary action

7. Student delivers a thinly veiled death threat in a paper or assignment -> Make a copy; notify the department chair; have the student removed from your section

8. A colleague or superior makes unwanted sexual advances -> Notify the department chair (if the offender IS the chair, notify the dean)

9. A colleague or superior treats you unfairly, delivers incessant personal insults, and makes unjustified threats -> Document everything/create a file; Notify the department chair (if the offender IS the chair, notify the dean)

10. You come to class with your shirt inside out, everyone points and laughs -> Double check your appearance on the break; use this opportunity to illustrate your fallibility and demonstrate that you too are human

11. Student writes you a love letter -> Explain the inappropriateness of teacher/student romance; if s/he begins to stalk you see #2 above

12. Student reports to the department chair that you’re a terrible teacher -> Try to uncover reasons for his/her complaint and deal with them; if the complaint is unwarranted and you can’t resolve the issue, ask if the student can turn in remaining work to another teacher for grading

13. Students turn a class discussion into an invitation to openly launch personal attacks at other students -> Do not let the attacks continue; remind the class that the goal is to critique and evaluate ideas, not each other; prevent this from recurring in the future by outlining behavioral expectations at the beginning of the semester

14. Student turns in a paper that is indistinguishable from hate material -> Challenge the student’s ability to justify the hateful claims and grade accordingly; if the student challenges your grade, offer to have your chair grade it; keep a record of the paper in the event that the situation progresses to hateful outbursts or other behavior

15. Student spreads nasty rumors about you coming onto him/her (or something similarly nasty) -> address the student directly; ask him/her why s/he spread such rumors; direct him/her to tell everyone that s/he lied

16. A worst case teaching scenario comes up that is not discussed above -> Consult a more senior faculty member (chances are, it’s happened to someone already before)