going to Canada

I've been reading a lot of blogs about Americans and their trips to what they call "the great white north" or "Canada." Okay Americans, this post is for you. First of all, quit refering to my motherland as the great white north. Most of the time it is not covered in snow and if you think white refers to skin colour I will have to plant the blade of a hockey skate firmly into your eye. Also please, stop fucking saying shit like "I'm going to Canada" or "my friend lives in Canada" or "my trip to Canada" or "my granny is in Canada." For you Seattlites, it might help if I tell you that hearing that gives us the same reaction that you folks have when tourists say "Pike's Place Market."

Canada is a big huge fucking country, bigger than yours and it has PROVINCES and, oh my god, CITIES! Do you not chuckle just a little bit when a foreigner says "I'm going to America"? You guys even turned that shit into a movie called Coming to America to point out how people who aren't from here are stupid and think it's just one indistinguisable land mass. Guess what? Canada is not one indistinguishable land mass either and no you cannot walk to Niagara Falls from Vancouver for Christ's sake. (actually you could if you were Terry Fox or Steve Fonyo but you don't know who the hell they are, do you?)

When Canadians visit "America" we say things like "I'm going to Vegas" or "I'll be visiting Los Angeles" or even "I'm staying in lower Manhatten" or "the Mission district of San Francisco." We do not say, "I'm going to the United States of America for vacation." Please, please, recognize that we have provinces and cities and try to figure out which of those you'll be visiting before proudly announcing that you'll be gracing "Canada" with your presence.

1 comment:

Egan said...

There's no winning with Canadians. Would you prefer we refer to a visit north of the border as Canada, The Great White North, or the 51st state?

I'm kidding Van, but you seem a bit surly. I don't think anyone thinks skin color when they say the Great White North. That comes from movies made by Canadians and refers to the abundant amount snow found in areas not near the border such as the Northwest Territories, Yukon, Nunavit, etc.

You're funny.