panic

It's that time of the semester where I realize I have, in total, about 50 pages of writing to do between now and 12/16. This makes me panic and it hurts my head to think about it. Bigger problem than that, next semester is my last semester of classes. The one after that is supposed to be focussed on my thesis only. That means, I need to know exactly WTF I'm doing with this thesis. It also means that it's getting late to be searching for grants and scholarships to fund this horribly expensive career change. Finally, this all means that my program is coming to an end soon and my PhD program applications will be due in about 11 months. Which means I ought to know where to apply and where I'll be comfortable living for 4 years starting Fall 2006. This is way too much for my little brain to handle. I don't know why the path I choose is always full of uncertainty and instability, totally inconsistent with my personality. On top of all this, I'm way too fucking old to be running around like this. I wish I could pick a place to live and be happy and just stay there.