I just turned in a couple huge projects so in theory I probably could go out tonight as long as I don't ruin the next day with an all night rager. But really I have no desire to leave the apartment. Don't really feel like there's anything to celebrate. Would kinda rather lay on the couch all night, eat some soft boiled eggs (my favourite comfort food) and lament the pathetic state of affairs that is my life. Seems like everything I do comes at the sacrifice of something else. In class discussion yesterday, a woman who has a few children was commenting on how people wait so long to have kids these days at the risk of having complications and fertility issues. I was thinking because our lives are a fuckin mess until our thirties (if you're lucky). Anyone with an ounce of ambition has to spend time going to grad school for 2 to 6 years or more, pay off loans, deal with moving around the country, recover from job lay offs etc etc. Marriage, let alone kids, is too much of an ordeal. Another woman mentioned she is not quite thirty and everyone else in her lamaze class is around 10 years older than her. I guess that is, in a sense, reassuring that I'm not the only one with a life that will be messy and unsettled at least for the next 6 years but still... Why does ambition have to get in the way of other things?