So I get a letter in the mail today that reads like this:
We regret that we were not able to name you as an initial winner of one of
the BEA scholarships. However, you have been selected as an alternate recipient
should one of the primary winners be unable to accept their award (and it does
happen). Given the intense competition, you are to be congratulated on achieving
alternate status. This is, in itself, high praise of your demonstrated
abilities. We will let you know if there is any change in status, which could
take place at any time up to enrollment for the Fall of
2005. Thank you for taking the time to apply. You may yet turn out to
be among this year's scholarship recipients.
I find it hard to be happy about being an alternate, like I am waiting for someone to default on a technicality or drop out of school. I'd feel bad about hoping for the misfortune of another student. This fucking sucks. I need money and scholarships are hard to come by especially since most of them are reserved for citizens and/or people with really unique backgrounds e.g. children of parents from whatever union or company, people tailoring their education for a specific career in something like radio broadcasting or scriptwriting etc. I'm going to buy a damn lottery ticket. This added to the stress of having more homework than is physically do-able given my time constraints AND not really knowing where life is going to take me in the next 5 years is making life really un-fun.